Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
