oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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