What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
