I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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