I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
