its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize