woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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