Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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