My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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