And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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