You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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