I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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