Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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