why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
