My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
