can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
