1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
