hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
