Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
