I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
