I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
