I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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