dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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