Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
