So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
