So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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