i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
