Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
