he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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