well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
