i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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