stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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