So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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