My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
