I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
