sarcasm needs its own font
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
