There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
