he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
