i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
