I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We named our party play list daddy issues
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
