Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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