They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
