I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
