I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
