Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
