I must be too annoying 4 u.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
