I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
