he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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