my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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