What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
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He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize