Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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