when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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