I hope mine doesn't look like that
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
