please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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