what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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