nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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