now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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