I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Dicks are not precious.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
