Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
