so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
