you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
