he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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