please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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