Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
