Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
