Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
