oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
