The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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