woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
