I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
