ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
