Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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