Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize