What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
