clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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