You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Randomize
