You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
