It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
