Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
