you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
