next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
