So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
