Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
