She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
