No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
