sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
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Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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